What to do when a child or loved one expresses suicidality


September 16, 2021

The word suicide can be a scary thing that many of us may not know what to do with. As a parent, it can be overwhelming when a child comes to you expressing that they no longer want to live. Some parents may find it hard to believe that their child would no longer want to be alive and feel encouraged to tell their child “don’t worry, you will get over it” or maybe even down play it telling their child to “stop being in your feelings”. Others may panic and not talk to the child and drive them immediately to a hospital for help. When a loved one reaches out expressing their desire to die we may feel impelled to respond by saying “I’m sorry” or avoid the situation overall because it makes us feel uncomfortable.

On the opposite end, one may immediately try and figure out what happened to make their loved one feel this way or question “why is this person telling me this”. It is important to be understanding and supportive with this person. They have reached out to you for a reason.

September is recognized as National Suicide Prevention Month and I would like to share some important definitions and statistics with you regarding suicide rates and offer some tips and suggestions for how to help if someone reaches out to you expressing suicidality.

  • Suicide is a death that was caused by a self-directed injurious behavior with the intent to die.
  • A suicide attempt is a self-directed injurious behavior that has intentions to die but was not successful. A suicide attempt may include injury.
  • Suicidal Ideation is when one has plans, considerations, or thoughts about ending their life.
  • Nonsuicidal self-injury (self-harm) is a behavior that is engaged in that intentionally inflicts damage to oneself without the intent to die.

So why share these definitions? It is important to understand what your loved one may be trying to share with you if they are not directly saying “I want to die.” Suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. In those between the ages of 10-34 it is the 2nd leading cause of death, as per the National Institute on Mental Health.  This is significant and suicide can be avoided with help.

Do not be afraid to ask that hard question of “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” Research shows that those who are having thoughts of suicide feel relief when they are asked this question in a caring way. Acknowledging and talking about suicide can reduce the suicidal ideation rather than increase it.

It is important to not downplay the situation. It is not up to you to determine the level of seriousness or intensity of someone else telling you they want to end their life. Support them in getting the help that they need. Offer to help call a crisis hotline with your loved one or offer to drive them to a professional (hospital, psychiatrist, doctor, therapist). If you can, stay with your loved one until they are safe. Always follow through on getting this person help. You may be the only one they have told.

Do not make this person promise you that they will not end their life. There is too much pressure behind promises and they frequently are ineffective.

Ensure that your loved one does not have access to lethal means. Lethal means are guns, medications, knives, razor blades, plastic bags, belts, etc.

If a loved one has come to you expressing they want to end their life. Do not panic. This person feels connected to you and is asking for help. Both of you may not know how or what to do, but please seek out resources from a professional. Below are various forms of professional support.

  • If you are in an emergency, contact 911 for help.
  • If you are in crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential.
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741. You will be connected to a mental health professional who can offer support.
  • The Trevor Project supports LGBTQ individuals who may be struggling with suicidal ideation. They offer a national, 24-hour, toll fee confidential suicide hotline. 1-866-488-7386.
  • The Veterans Crisis Line can offer qualified VA responders to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
  • Harris County Mobile Crisis Outreach Team 713-970-7000 is the response team for Harris County.
  • Fort Bend County Crisis Intervention Team (CIT), 281-341-8540 can provide support to those suffering from a mental illness that are unable or unwilling to access routine outpatient clinical services. The Fort Bend County Sheriff’s Office, 281-341-4665, can provide assistance if it is not an immediate threat or danger. The Mental Health Crisis Hotline number is 1-800-633-5686 and can connect you to Texana Mobile Crisis Outreach Team.

Written by: Meaghan Warner, LCSW